My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
babies were throwing up all over the place
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Randomize
