did you get engaged???
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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