After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
