Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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