I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
