I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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