were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
