So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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