I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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