After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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