i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
