You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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