Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
