and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
