i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
