This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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