a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
