I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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