I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
