I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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