his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
