Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
