Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's never too late to be topless.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
