Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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