i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
