Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
as a side note pls kill me
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
