Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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