First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
