Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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