what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The adults are the big ones right?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
