I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
