I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
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If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
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Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
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