I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
