I wish my penis had an off switch
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
