I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
