When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
