i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
