Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
