Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
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Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
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after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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