You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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