so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
