My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
