At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize