I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
