If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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