Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
