Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
