we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
