Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
