umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
