Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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