You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
