Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We had to coat check the pizza.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
