And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
