Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
