My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
