Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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