So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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