rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
