i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
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Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
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I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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