First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
