the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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