How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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