he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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