There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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