My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
