1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
