I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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