Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
