my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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