You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
