i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
