They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
