So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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